People really can change. No question about it, personal change is often hard. And expecting someone else to change is often excruciating and an act of self torture. Spouses, co-workers, supervisors, employees, students, teachers, policemen, children, parents all have one thing in common. They see stuff that they wish people wouldn't do. They wish someone else would change. Collectively, it may be our biggest desire, to see someone else change.

Sadly, we are ill equipped to help others change. We want them to stop doing something or maybe start doing something and we let them know about it, perhaps gently at first and then we bring more pressure to bear on helping them to make the needed changes. More often than not, we find ourselves frustrated at the absence or slow pace of change. Perhaps we end up in conflict that only makes us more reluctant to work the change.

I know that people can change though since I myself have changed and I have many examples of others who have changed. Before any meaningful change can take place, we have to value and believe in the other person and their success, not their demise. All too often, we see the one in need of change as an obstacle or even a conquest. As long as the do not make our expected changes, we see them as troublemakers and they need to be removed from our presence or taken out of power somehow.

If you've got an evolutionary bent, then you explain this as simply some Darwinian forgone conclusion, that people had to survive and take out their competition in order to do it. I don't know if Darwin thought that way, but I know a lot of people react that way. Obviously they don't or won't admit such thinking, that would lay their strategy bare and their intellect bankrupt. Nonetheless, that is what usually happens, get out of my way or I'll run over you. And if I can't run over you since that wouldn't look good, I'll just ignore you for as long as I can, or somehow get you out of the picture, dis empowering you. There are numerous books written on the subject of office politics that teach some clever strategies for such things. I'm afraid they sell well.

My last sermon in Fargo relied heavily on the life of Joseph. I got some of my ideas for the message from John Ortberg, go over to the Menlo Park Church site and find his sermons on line. Some good stuff. But he had a line in there about Joseph before his suffering and how he was his father's favorite, implying that he took no notice or care of how his brothers felt. His arrogance and willingness to enjoy the spotlight of his fathers doting love while they experienced a shortage of real love only served to infuriate them and wish that he was dead. It seems unreal even now that brothers could go so far as to kill Joseph and then lie to their father about it. They must have had a lot of hatred in their hearts.

My point is this; they had no tools to bring about change. All they could do was to neutralize him, kill him, remove him from the scene. We live in a society that frowns on that kind of reaction. Good thing, there would be a lot more missing spoiled kids I fear. We could stand to learn some things about helping people to change before we resort to torture, murder and slavery.

My second point is this; Joseph does change. I noticed in Ortbergs sermon that he caught it too. The early Joseph who cared little for his brothers feelings learns to care for the feelings of all kinds of people while he is a slave and while he is in prison. Bakers and cupbarers come to appreciate Joseph because he has changed and cares about them. Others do too. Suffering brought about the changes I think. We could say that God did it, but I think God used others to do it. However you look at it, Joseph changed. And so can we.

Take a break from trying to change someone and take a look at your methods. Take a look at your results. Take a look at Christ's methods of changing others and His results. People can change and so can you.