Conflict-What's Normal-What's Abnormal
I dropped that last post on the Engle Scale in my blog because I cannot get away from the story that is crashing through my head that we must continue everyday to talk about Mission. Sweet's new book So Beautiful is gnawing on me right now, so I will keep posting about mission as I grow in my passion for it. There are some pastors who are light years ahead of the rest of us on this and I might use them and their stories to help us get the picture of a Mission Church.
In the meantime, back to conflict. In fact, conflict and mission are often thoroughly related. Some conflict is caused by the pastor without good reason. William Bransom's book, Coping with Difficult People reminds one that sometimes you are the difficult person. His book is a layman's book about Personality Disorders, or the inability to approach the day without a healthy bag of tools, or not as many mental and emotional resources as we should have.
Coping With Difficult People was my first lifeboat in the heat of conflict in my life. It gave me a chance to see why some people act the way they do. It also gave me the chance to continue living with them and work with them, even if they were flawed. So often, we write people off as too flawed to work with and we eventually run out of people because we have identified their flaws to the point where they are deemed useless. Bransom gave me some tools to go beyond dismissal and disposal. People are not disposable. Drop yourself into the story of the Adulterous Woman again and watch as Jesus uses words to shape the future of the woman and her accusers as well. They wish to use stones, He uses words. We know He rescued at least one that day and I suspect others as well. His highest value was that she live another day to learn to follow Him more closely. She was guilty and He showed her how to move beyond that guilt. Her accusers were more guilty and He showed them how to move beyond that guilt as well, by forgiveness and empowerment.
Those values shine brightly in that story and when they are the values of the pastor, then conflict will be better understood and addressed. Read that story again and again. Become that story.
Another author, I can't remember who at the moment, maybe Stephen Haugk, hope that is right, In Antagonists in the Church, offered a description of normal conflict. As I recall, and I'll check on this, his description was that normal conflict revolved around three things.
So get used to good discussions, even heated arguments over these subjects. Remember that they are driven by values and values are the things/concepts we will go to the mat over.
The breakpoint or turning point where we enter into abnormal conflict is when we start to go from issues to name calling and a slew of other techniques to manipulate things over to our way of thinking. I'll have an upcoming post that lists some of these. Stay tuned.
Another important post that is coming is what do we do when the values of the group are not the values of the Bible. Some of those values may be hidden in the group but they are driving the church right off a cliff. What is the pastor to do? A vital question and at the heart of much of our conflict.
So that's enough for now, back later. See you in John 8.
In the meantime, back to conflict. In fact, conflict and mission are often thoroughly related. Some conflict is caused by the pastor without good reason. William Bransom's book, Coping with Difficult People reminds one that sometimes you are the difficult person. His book is a layman's book about Personality Disorders, or the inability to approach the day without a healthy bag of tools, or not as many mental and emotional resources as we should have.
Coping With Difficult People was my first lifeboat in the heat of conflict in my life. It gave me a chance to see why some people act the way they do. It also gave me the chance to continue living with them and work with them, even if they were flawed. So often, we write people off as too flawed to work with and we eventually run out of people because we have identified their flaws to the point where they are deemed useless. Bransom gave me some tools to go beyond dismissal and disposal. People are not disposable. Drop yourself into the story of the Adulterous Woman again and watch as Jesus uses words to shape the future of the woman and her accusers as well. They wish to use stones, He uses words. We know He rescued at least one that day and I suspect others as well. His highest value was that she live another day to learn to follow Him more closely. She was guilty and He showed her how to move beyond that guilt. Her accusers were more guilty and He showed them how to move beyond that guilt as well, by forgiveness and empowerment.
Those values shine brightly in that story and when they are the values of the pastor, then conflict will be better understood and addressed. Read that story again and again. Become that story.
Another author, I can't remember who at the moment, maybe Stephen Haugk, hope that is right, In Antagonists in the Church, offered a description of normal conflict. As I recall, and I'll check on this, his description was that normal conflict revolved around three things.
- Finance
- Facilities
- Personnel
So get used to good discussions, even heated arguments over these subjects. Remember that they are driven by values and values are the things/concepts we will go to the mat over.
The breakpoint or turning point where we enter into abnormal conflict is when we start to go from issues to name calling and a slew of other techniques to manipulate things over to our way of thinking. I'll have an upcoming post that lists some of these. Stay tuned.
Another important post that is coming is what do we do when the values of the group are not the values of the Bible. Some of those values may be hidden in the group but they are driving the church right off a cliff. What is the pastor to do? A vital question and at the heart of much of our conflict.
So that's enough for now, back later. See you in John 8.
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