There may be a moment, and that's all it is, a moment when you are given a chance to hear the values of another or a group. I well remember staying at a hotel where the church members were lined up outside our room to come and talk with me about the conflict in their church. We had not accepted the call yet and they wanted me to know their story. I'm talking about the church in the last post. Outside my door were the stories of pain and conflict that they hoped I would repair and avoid repeating in the years ahead.

I have some trouble at times with my memories of that church. I alternate between feelings of failure and letting them down and feelings of conviction that something had to be done and I was there to do it. Their divisions became my divisions and they have at times left me feeling divided. That being said, I can't go back and fix it, I couldn't fix anything then either. But I can look back and evaluate the circumstances and how I might have responded differently. Let me try to do that here. First off, the people on both sides or all sides you might say were some of the brightest and most interesting people I have ever met. Unfortunately, none of us were bright enough to solve the values conflict that was taking place. Only love could have done that. A love that was higher than all human values. There are times when that's all that can be said, it takes love. At least I have dear friends that are still there in that church now, many years later.

So what could I have done differently? First off, I could have known myself better. Why was I there and what was I prepared to do and be there? Eventually you have to take responsibility for your skills and talents. As detective Dirty Harry says, "A man has got to know his limitations." Eventually, you have to take responsibility for what level you are capable of performing at. If you cannot accomplish the mission, you and you first should know it. In my defense, I did not understand this back then and could only wish that someone else above me or wiser than me would have aborted the call to that church and would have pulled me back from the difficulties that were ahead. That didn't happen. So I'm left to believe that either God wanted the call to go ahead or the whole process is troubled. I've chosen to believe that God called me there, even if I believe the process could be improved.

But you've got to know, like no one else knows that you are headed in to a divided church. You've got to know what that means. and if you have to educate yourself as to what it means, then by all means do it. Don't wait for someone to take you aside and try to explain what you are in for, go out and find out for yourself.

There are churches that are on a mission and there are churches that are not. If there is a mission there, it is not hard to find; money, time, talents and talk all go to the mission. If there is no mission, then there is little excitement, probably less conflict since there is little to fight about and a kind of foggy apathy about church. In this latter church, you might be just the pastor to help restore the church to a healthy mission, but you need to know this first. That of course is material for another book.

In churches with a mission, you may match up with the mission or you may not. We knew another church in that same conference that bought land and built a church school first, then later a church. Their mission was conducted through that school. A pastor/teacher that was gifted and understood that mission could well serve them and serve them for a long time. but a mismatched pastor that did not understand a church school as mission would have only served to undermine the values of that church group. My daughter went to that school and it was well known conference wide for its excellent school and teachers. The members took pride and were deeply committed to that mission and I would gladly say they were successful in what they were accomplishing. If I were helping to find them a pastor, I would gladly help them search for a pastor who matched their mission and had strengths to add to their community and school. I would carefully qualify that pastor so that he would work well with them. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. That's where you have to take over. You have to qualify yourself before you accept or extend your call from God. You have to struggle with God in prayer if you are really right for this pastorate. I have yet to meet anyone who will do it for you. It's really up to you and your spouse.

So you have to know yourself. I may not have taken that call if I had known myself better. Then again, I don't know who would have been better suited to serve there. Only God knows that. But qualify yourself, the church and the mission.

How do you do this? Probably by speaking very little and listening a lot. Someone will give you the stories that you need to hear in order to face the future at that church. This is a delicate time. If you listen well, you might be allowed to hear more, maybe even make changes. If you don't listen well, you run the risk of being rejected as a leader. Some folks may never accept you as a leader and may never talk to you. Not much you can do about that I suppose, so just put your ears on and listen. Listen for values? What gets people excited, what gets em moving? What are they willing to fight for? What are they willing to pay for? What will they lay down their lives for?

Those are their values. List them, pray over them, compare them to the Bible values and your own values and see if there is some congruency or alignment. If you have a chance, ask questions to get down to brass tacks with them, what are their top two or three values, are they in alignment together as a group/community/church or are there competing value groups that differ with theirs? This process and it is a process, is costly, delicate, even risky. It will feel like work, because it is. I remain convinced it is important work and well worth it.

This process can be a beginning for you and the church family, or it can be a signal that God is preparing you for something else, someplace else. Either way, dismissing this process only diminishes your chances of serving well and long in that church. But once again, only you can insure that the values clarification takes place. You need to take responsibility for it.

I think in the next set of posts I'll talk about normal conflict versus abnormal.