Conflict in the Church Part 1 Why Do We Disagree?
I've yet to meet someone who says that they "love conflict". It seems like all of us would rather deny conflict or do our best to hold it off. And yet, from time to time, we see fights and breakouts of anger in our churches. Where does this come from and what should we do about it.
I served a church some years ago where the main thing was the church school. In fact, it was the only thing that church leaders talked about. Up to 90% of the church budget went to pay the teachers salaries and the school operation. If you were a supporter of that school, the 90% figure didn't bother you at all, in fact, you would be glad to see it go higher. You valued highly and supported completely the church school. Any threats to that support were not received well. I got caught up in the conflict that was developing and I eventually took a side, even though I wanted to support the church school, I was seen by some as against it.
If I could do things differently, I would. If I were the pastor there now, I would find out why the school was the most valued part of that church. I would learn all I could about what the church had traditionally valued. Values are the things we will fight for, we live and die by them. So I would try to understand what people valued the most.
If you want to understand why people fight at church, you need to understand,
You may not agree with their values or even find them Biblical, but you need to understand them and why they hold them so dear.
What do you do when you believe those values are destructive or at the least, not constructive for the local church? I'll write about that over the weekend.
In the meantime, there are some books on conflict that I will refer to. Here's one that is worth every penny, Survival Skills for Managers, Marlene Wilson. Might be hard to find, but well worth the effort.
Check out these titles at Amazon by Wilson They have a copy of the above book for just a few dollars. I might snap it up myself just to have an extra copy. No, I won't. I picked up my copy back in the 80's at Columbia Union College. It still serves me well.
I served a church some years ago where the main thing was the church school. In fact, it was the only thing that church leaders talked about. Up to 90% of the church budget went to pay the teachers salaries and the school operation. If you were a supporter of that school, the 90% figure didn't bother you at all, in fact, you would be glad to see it go higher. You valued highly and supported completely the church school. Any threats to that support were not received well. I got caught up in the conflict that was developing and I eventually took a side, even though I wanted to support the church school, I was seen by some as against it.
If I could do things differently, I would. If I were the pastor there now, I would find out why the school was the most valued part of that church. I would learn all I could about what the church had traditionally valued. Values are the things we will fight for, we live and die by them. So I would try to understand what people valued the most.
If you want to understand why people fight at church, you need to understand,
- values
- values assessments
- values clarification
- values conflicts.
You may not agree with their values or even find them Biblical, but you need to understand them and why they hold them so dear.
What do you do when you believe those values are destructive or at the least, not constructive for the local church? I'll write about that over the weekend.
In the meantime, there are some books on conflict that I will refer to. Here's one that is worth every penny, Survival Skills for Managers, Marlene Wilson. Might be hard to find, but well worth the effort.
Check out these titles at Amazon by Wilson They have a copy of the above book for just a few dollars. I might snap it up myself just to have an extra copy. No, I won't. I picked up my copy back in the 80's at Columbia Union College. It still serves me well.
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